What do you want to be when you grow up?

These kids have some life choices to make.

Instead of leaving the young ones alone while they reenact their favorite action thrillers, relatives often think it's their JC-given right to continuously ask children what they want to be when they grow up. Has anyone (besides children) ever thought how selfish and ludicrous (unfortunately not the Grammy Award winning lyricist) this fake question is? Technology may have changed the way kids view the world but it hasn't changed the fact that kids don't give a fuck about the world? And why should they? Answers like "a professional baseball player", or "the President of The United States of America", or "Michael Jordan" are common not because these kids actually want to be these things, but because they know an answer like that will get the questioner off their n.u.t.s. (figuratively speaking of course). Becoming Michael Jordan on your 18th birthday would suck especially if you were a 10 year-old kid right now. Do you think these kids want, on their 18th birthdays, to magically transform into a 53 year-old ex-bad-motherfuckin-ass basketball player? Well, maybe that's a bad example. But really c'mon we're not giving these kids enough credit. They give your fake question a fake ass answer. The fact is, we have become so accustomed to asking or being asked this bullshit question that we're convinced that little Katie actually thinks she has a chance at becoming president of the raddest country on the planet. Get real.

The thing is, I try not to kid myself, I know that people aren't going to stop asking this question. So I feel that I should not only give you a reason to ask this ridiculous question but also sniff out the little bullshitters that could use some direction in their lives.

The biggest compliment kids get when they go through puberty is "Oh my, look at how tall and thin you got". Let's ignore the "tall" part of this because I know first-hand that Jesus doesn't love some people as much as others. I mean 5'6" is a piss poor attempt at a "height". But anyways, relatives and strangers alike, love complimenting people on their weight. Not only that, people love being complimented on their weight, if it's not sarcastic of course. When they're young nobody really cares how fat a kid is. "Oh, don't worry, they'll grow out of it", is a lie most parents tell themselves. But that's not the point. As these kids get older they have a choice to become thinner, to start lifting weights, exercising, and eating healthy foods. They have that choice, unlike the choice of growing taller of course. (You can flaunt fake boobs in less than a week after the surgery and they still can't figure out how to make me 5'10", what happened to priorities?) So there is nothing more pleasant than being a fat kid and growing up to be a thin(ner) adult. The compliments will make all those extra Happy Meals and cookies worth it. This all has to do with the fact that they didn't set a high level of expectation others would have of them. They set the bar low and they reap the benefits.

Now conversely, and probably more importantly, think about all the times you ran into someone that knew you but you had no clue who they were (I pray it wasn't the opposite). If it was a childhood friend, the fact that you didn't recognize them most often occurs when the friend decided to spend the last 10 years glazing their arteries with Krispy Kremes. Or maybe it looks like they ate the beanbag chair you could desperately use now because the sight of their disgustingness has got you weak in the knees (and not in the Boyz II Men sense). Seeing someone that has put on lots of lb's since their childhood has placed them at the lower rung of society. If the person had always been fat, it would have just been another day. They set the bar high and failed to live up to it.

The way society ranks people is as follows:
1st) Fat as a kid, ripped-thunder as an adult. Compliments: "Oh my god, you look so great" (and they genuinely mean it).
Tied for 2nd) Stays the same (fat as a kid, fat adult or thin as a kid, thin adult). No surprise with these people, you expected it.
3rd) Thin as a kid, fat as an adult. No genuine compliments: "Wow you look so different! I didn't even recognize you!" Fatass.

If this kid can turn it around he's going to live a genuinely happy life.

This fucktard is setting the bar way too high. His parents better invest in a good psychologist.

So when you ask "What do you want to be when you grow up?", take a good look at the kid. If they're fat, make sure you get an answer that directly says they are (or will become) tired of being fat. If they are skinny, remind them to stay that way or else they will be pushed to the edges of society and never get a genuine response out of anyone again. So you see, we can still guide the youth of America in the right direction. As for me, I was tubby as a kid, I got thinner, got some genuine compliments, then got tubby again and got some "wow you look so different!" 's. But I still want to be Michael Jordan when I grow up.