Just call me Mr. C

After College, Before a Job

After Unemployment, Before a Career

After a few grueling months of movie-watching and life-decision-making I am finally employed as a substitute teacher. To a certain extent, it goes to show how overlooked American education systems are. Topic for another day. I tried to not have many expectations because deep down inside I knew all of the teachers weren't going to be 23-year-old, 5'5" and under, single women, seeking an understanding and (somewhat) open-minded tri-racial funny-man. So I walked in knowing that there were going to be some challenges, but I didn't let them stand in the way. I reassured myself by repeating "If Ivica can do this, I can do this". Actually, I'm starting to think that statement is more of a mantra at this point. For the most part, the teachers have been nothing but pleasant and helpful. When I try to get the kids in the back of the room to stop break-dancing on their desks, the neighboring teachers are quick to come to aid and lay the experienced smack-down on them. For the most part, it has been an interesting experience. So far a kid managed to permanently ruin one side of the classroom for an entire day by dropping bombs. Pretty disgusting. "You our teacher today? You little!", has been said to me at least a half-dozen times. I've been told that I would be met outside after school by a group of 7th graders. I was excited for the invite, thinking we would play basketball and maybe even go to the mall to get an Auntie Anne's pretzel or maybe even a Great American Cookie, but I soon realized the invite was strictly for a game that I am not familiar with and/or interested in...fisticuffs. I wisely declined.

The students have very colorful imaginations and I think the most rewarding part of the job is listening to their explanations of certain things. If the young adults from Urbana Middle School were to explain me to a stranger, this is what they would come up with. I would be anywhere from the age range of 17-48. I would be unanimously Chinese. I would love to wear "skin-tight Dickies". I would have "bright teeth". I would be "little as hell". I would have 0-15 girlfriends. I would like rap music. I would have that "China hair". I am just looking forward to whatever else they can come up with. As for now, these kids are dead-on.

P.S. Can you tell that I had to teach a lesson on when and how to use hyphens? Can you also tell I still have no fucking clue on when and how to use one?