Kim Jong-ill!

There are not many sane people who idolize war mongering, oilrig-turned-sex-ship-owning, bed-made-out-of-women-having, class-A nuts. But, I’ve never considered myself sane, and I'm proud of it. Kim Jong-il, if you don't know, is the leader of North Korea. King Jong as I like to call him. Whoa, why not a sequel to King Kong where the big ape fights a massive Kim Jong-il? They could fight over a white woman and it would be oddly reminiscent of the original. I bet the Japanese would go nuts if that came out in the theaters. Kim Jong-il has defied everyone in the world and is looked at as a Menace II Society. He a gangster, so of course he flaunts stunner-shades and fresh cut fades, but I'm starting to believe that aside from all that, other world leaders’ opinion of him is overrun with jealousy. King Jong turned an oil rig into a party boat that is home to women (probably nakie) that fulfill a strict set of measurements (eyes, ears, chins, and maybe boobs, actually probably boobs) that King Jong loves. Now that the 21st Century is of legal age, this is the equivalent of turning water into wine. Kim Kong-il>Jesus? I’ll let you decide. At one point he was the leading buyer of Hennessey. He imports Mercedes by the fleet. He loves Michael Jordan. He has the whole world afraid of him. Which world leader can live up to that? Actually, which rapper can live up to that? “It’s hard out here for a pimp,” King Jong would beg to differ.

Kim Jong-il doesn’t waste his time talking himself up. The people already have an unbelievable amount of trust in him and spend their spare time delivering verbal blowjobs that Mr. il might rightfully deserve. The papers write that Mr. il gets multiple hole-in-one’s every round of golf, which I happen to believe. He’s featured in widely popular movies like Team America where he finds home to a character and stuns the audience. As his first feature film he nails the part and many producers like Martin Scorsese are looking into casting him for upcoming North Korean mobster movies. Kim Jong-il may be talented and motivated, but we should not overlook the fact that he is an unbelievable individual.

The individuality that he continuously portrays has lead to a life of obvious fairytale and overwhelming wonder that many men would like to lead (albeit many ideal versions would probably do without the mass famine and overall state of hidden chaos that exists in North Korea). With globalization overwhelming economies and raising new concern for the future of foreign relations, Kim Jong-il has stayed true to the game. Foreign correspondents are closely monitored and not allowed to pass along any negative information that might shed light on life in North Korea. Kim Jong-il ain’t about to let some suckas roll up in his hood and start hatin and shit. All this is due to the fact that he’s an individual and comes correct with what he believes is real. That is what I love most about him. His glasses would be a close second.

So Kim Jong-il has lead his country to being one of the most fascinating places in the world. The people there absolutely (pretend to) adore him. When a medical team of foreign doctors cured people of partial blindness due to cataracts, the first thing they did was bow down to a picture of Kim Jong-il, thanking him for curing their blindness. It might have taken Kim Jong-il an uncharacteristic action by consulting outside sources to fix a few problems but he delivered a significant change to people’s lives nonetheless. If that is what it takes to cure blindness, America could use him. At least eight years of ignorance with a good possibility for another four will be too much for any sane person to handle. We’ll forever blindly follow the sheep in front of us as one of many. At the end of the day, I have little faith that even Kim Jong-il could even fix America’s blindness. I suppose many “sane” people do idolize war mongering Class-A nuts. And they’re not even individuals.

Marty

Chicago Bulls.

Why I don't have a job...

The Lake Shore Theater was offering internships for the summer. It said to send a resume and a "creative" cover letter. This is what I came up with. When I was preparing the final copy, I tried to retrieve the e-mail address I had to send it to only to find it taken down. I can't decide if it was a good thing I never sent this cover letter or if I would have gotten a multimillion dollar contract for being great. I'll never know.

"May 13, 2008

To Ms. Sandy,

I am greatly interested in the Film/Marketing Director Assistant internship that The Lake Shore Theater is offering. For many hours I’ve wondered if one were writing a conversation that was dictated to them and the storyteller said “Yea, I applied for the Film/Marketing internship”, if it would be appropriate to write the symbol for the slash or the word “slash”. Maybe my confusion is more relevant when somebody says “I am a man/god” (slash asshole). So keep in mind that, as I write this, I’m still confused if the small quotes I added above are correct.

I’ve heard great things about The Lake Shore Theater but I cannot say that I have ever been. The most important thing is that I know how to get there and that keeps my options open. I have a great interest in many different aspects of comedy and I think The Lake Shore Theater would be a good opportunity to experience the industry. My college Advertising “education” provided me with some knowledge of marketing and I feel I could at least be helpful in that area. From my résumé you can also see that I don’t have much professional experience assisting a Film/Marketing Director or comedians but I would like to think the students at Urbana Middle School where I’m currently a substitute teacher are good influences on me with regards to comedy. They are great influences because, since they are so young and somewhat innocent their private-part-jokes are not necessarily less numerous but less refined, which is more hilarious in my opinion. I mean those jokes are so played out at this point that you might as well just get to the point if you are going to talk about boners. No beating around the bush (no pun intended, seriously I just talked negatively about those kinds of jokes and I don’t intend to go back on my word. I guess I could have used a different expression).

So even if you aren’t at all interested in my résumé or what I had to say about myself, I ask a favor of you. Can you at least give me a call and let me know if it’s the symbol or the word? In retrospect it probably is just the symbol but that doesn’t really make any sense to me. I kind of despise punctuation that has to be pronounced (“%”). By the way, who decided that the front slash (“/”) is so much better than the back slash (“\”). I think it’s unfair and what if I all of a sudden used the back slash (“\”) every time I used a slash? Would the people reading it be suddenly offended? Would I suddenly be placed on the lower rung of the caste system? Maybe I’m already there. Thanks for reading.

Sincerely,




Why do we even need a slash when we could use the “|” symbol that is is over the “\” key? I mean it seems to make more sense if it were the Film|Marketing Director Assistant internship."

End of an error.

So Toddy Too Hottie packed it up and moved out tonight. After three years of living together I'm not too sure what to think. Here's a list that I've compiled the past few years (past 7 minutes) of things Todd enjoys and a few daily habits. There were really three chapters to his college career. "The Coke Era", "The Diet Coke and Sometimes Coke Zero Era", and "The Post Coke Products Pre Depression Era".

Todd likes:

1) ESPN
2) ESPN II
3) Not leftovers.
4) Having a room that resembles a museum of some sort.
5) Walking around in boxers and hairy chest.
6) "No clue dude."
7) Ruining mornings with morning breath.
8) Sleeping in his jeans once a month.
9) Getting CDs in the mail.
10) Peanut Butter.
11) Catching his toenail clippings.
12) Making as much noise as possible while eating.
13) Keeping his bedroom window open 24/7 365. Not that cold.
14) Large boobs.

Later.

Jamskiheimer.