Why I don't have a job...

The Lake Shore Theater was offering internships for the summer. It said to send a resume and a "creative" cover letter. This is what I came up with. When I was preparing the final copy, I tried to retrieve the e-mail address I had to send it to only to find it taken down. I can't decide if it was a good thing I never sent this cover letter or if I would have gotten a multimillion dollar contract for being great. I'll never know.

"May 13, 2008

To Ms. Sandy,

I am greatly interested in the Film/Marketing Director Assistant internship that The Lake Shore Theater is offering. For many hours I’ve wondered if one were writing a conversation that was dictated to them and the storyteller said “Yea, I applied for the Film/Marketing internship”, if it would be appropriate to write the symbol for the slash or the word “slash”. Maybe my confusion is more relevant when somebody says “I am a man/god” (slash asshole). So keep in mind that, as I write this, I’m still confused if the small quotes I added above are correct.

I’ve heard great things about The Lake Shore Theater but I cannot say that I have ever been. The most important thing is that I know how to get there and that keeps my options open. I have a great interest in many different aspects of comedy and I think The Lake Shore Theater would be a good opportunity to experience the industry. My college Advertising “education” provided me with some knowledge of marketing and I feel I could at least be helpful in that area. From my résumé you can also see that I don’t have much professional experience assisting a Film/Marketing Director or comedians but I would like to think the students at Urbana Middle School where I’m currently a substitute teacher are good influences on me with regards to comedy. They are great influences because, since they are so young and somewhat innocent their private-part-jokes are not necessarily less numerous but less refined, which is more hilarious in my opinion. I mean those jokes are so played out at this point that you might as well just get to the point if you are going to talk about boners. No beating around the bush (no pun intended, seriously I just talked negatively about those kinds of jokes and I don’t intend to go back on my word. I guess I could have used a different expression).

So even if you aren’t at all interested in my résumé or what I had to say about myself, I ask a favor of you. Can you at least give me a call and let me know if it’s the symbol or the word? In retrospect it probably is just the symbol but that doesn’t really make any sense to me. I kind of despise punctuation that has to be pronounced (“%”). By the way, who decided that the front slash (“/”) is so much better than the back slash (“\”). I think it’s unfair and what if I all of a sudden used the back slash (“\”) every time I used a slash? Would the people reading it be suddenly offended? Would I suddenly be placed on the lower rung of the caste system? Maybe I’m already there. Thanks for reading.

Sincerely,




Why do we even need a slash when we could use the “|” symbol that is is over the “\” key? I mean it seems to make more sense if it were the Film|Marketing Director Assistant internship."