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A rather short list of things Mexico has to offer.

What up wit it Fresh? Alright enough of that. (I think I have turned gangster (which is always wonderful) somewhere in between Dublin and London). So I was making an American (god bless it) delight for dinner, Sliggity Sloppy Jiggity Joe's, ya dig? And my flatmate Adam came up to me and asked me a really interesting and specific (no doubt) question. We had been having a very intellectual conversation of American (god bless it) Fast Food places that they don't have here (and that I miss ALMOST as much as Black People). Let me fill you in. Scotland has McDonald's, Burger King, Pizza Hut, KFC, and A&W. If I think of anymore that I have seen I'll let you know (Barcelona had Dunkin Donuts). As I explained my love for greasy digustingness (food, not girls) he popped the big question(s). "What is Taco Bell?" he asked. My answer was simple "Awesome/Diarrhea". (I would ask my English major friends if it is proper to put a "/" in a quote because I obviously didn't say "slash" (although I do sometimes) but they can't even spell "RIDICULOUS", bitchass hoz). This question didn't bother me at all but the following question did fo sho. "Actually, what is a Taco?, I know it is some sort of sandwich but I'm not too sure of what it really is". My answer was simple "Oh, Lordy" followed by a Beyonce booty shake (I wish). I never thought the day would come where I would have to explain a Taco to someone. Where does one even begin? Answer: Nowhere. If someone lives in a 1st World Country (as Scotland seems to claim, I'd beg to differ) they should know what a fucking Taco is. Come on people. OK, I guess Mexico and all the other Central/South American countries that eat Tacos (I know it's traditionally Mexican but I also know they eat some sort of Tacos in Costa Rica), are far from Scotland but get real. I mean haven't you seen a movie with a Taco (sometimes known as Mexicans, racism is a beautiful thing) in it? Maybe I'm being too hard on the guy but it was all really surprising. I actually ended up showing him some pictures and described what Tacos usually consist of. So that's my story. The Tacos in this picture actually look straight delicious, on the real fa real fa real fa real on the real fa real, comprendas? (4 years of Spanish and I still don't know if that is correct). Anyways I'm outta here, I'm gonna go to the movies and laugh at the teen whores who try to impress young ugly Scottish boys by walkin around with their pink tacos hangin out (I'll try not to hit on them, no promises). My parents read this and I'm sure they are very proud. Time to answer 20 of the same question (Oh Al!).

Mr. Marty J. C (Oh Al!)

Since I lost my camera in Paris (I'm sure no one really feels sorry for me, afterall I was in Paris) I will have to try charm you guys with my words. The pen is mightier than the really fucking expensive digital camera. Damnit. Anyways, in my attempt to take a picture of what I look like (you should see my stomach, lordy) I took a badass picture of myself rocking my awesome Bears shirt. Since all the cool kids are updating their facebook profiles with pictures of Brian Urlacher or their imitation of Brian Urlacher (by wearing the jersey, it doesn't really work with fat mexican girls, sorry better luck next year), I decided to try it myself. And as you can tell, it didn't work. Meet Marty a 34-year-old peep show actor that loves to drink Boone's Farm and watch reruns of Roseanne, all while dreaming about what Condoleeza Rice looks like nakie (oh my god). But seriously, look at this picture, I think it might be the worst one I've ever taken. I actually used to think that it was impossible for me to take a bad picture. Silly Marty. This has ruined my pride (my ego) and has scared the kids. Anyways, print this picture out and put it around town and tell people that this is what Glasgow does to you. I thought this shit only existed on Jerry Springer and Maury.

Daisy Dukes

Over my very ridiculous/hilarious/stressful adventure with Ivica (more on that later) we lost a No Limit Soulja. Dearest Daisy is now charming other dogs with her ridiculously pungent smelling farts in DoggyDogHeaven (it's where Snoop Dogg kicks it with the illest 'bitchez' around, Daisy deserves it). If they sold 40z in this country I would definitely pour one out but instead I'll have to pour out a bottle of Buckfast which is what the Glasgwegian hillbillies love to drink. (I happen to love it as well, Tonic Wine, what the hell is that? Delicious is today's answer). Daisy and her bigass domepiece will be missed.