I was Martin: "Michael Jordan and I have the same middle name."

Preface: People tell me that they couldn't see me named anything else. They say 'Marty' is perfect. I mean the name 'Marty' is perfect, most people happen to think I am a weirdo (jealousy). Let me let you in on a little secret, I wasn't always Marty. Well I started my life out as Marty and I was perfectly comfortable with that. I mean I was young and I had seen Back to the Future so subsequently I thought I was named after Marty McFly. At preschool my two best friends Darryl and Malcolm always called me Marty. My kindergarten teacher called me Marty, even when I peed my pants twice in one day. So for a long time I was perfectly comfortable with who I was. Then grade school came around. I switched schools and I found myself in a completely new place, both mentally and physically. I mean back at my other schools I was pretty much a certified OG. I had quite the reputation of being full of smiles. William P. Gray Elementary was new turf. Certified OG's were expected to adjust to their surroundings but one thing stood in the way. Attendance. The first day of school was fine. I picked out the honeyz I was planning on macking and I picked out the playboys that had potential to gain certification. Mr. Pena called out this thing named 'attendance' and I noticed that everyone had it but me. He'd call a name and awww da bitchez would raise their hands. I figured he had the premium HM-HO. I had to get me some of that. But anyways. For 3 days I noticed that my name was never called. I mean I did not want to be a sucka with this dude but I needed to learn his ways. So one day I went home and I asked my moms, "Why doesn't the teach ever call my name when he's taking attendance?". Moms was confused. For an hour she seemed pretty puzzled. Finally, she came over to me and she asked me to write my name. M A R T Y. She had realized the problem. She wrote: M A R T I N. "That's the name you have to go by in school." Martin, I didn't like it. I didn't feel it and it didn't feel me. The next day I listened for 'Martin' and sure enough moms was right (she was a teach too).

Everything went downhill from there. For years I felt like a Marty trapped in a Martin closet. I mean there was things that helped me deal with the anguish. Eazy-E helped, Bone-Thugz helped, Keith Sweat helped. Most notably Martin Lawrence's hit sitcom 'Martin' helped. But it didn't matter. I was lost. I turned 17 and I watched the Back To The Future trilogy. Marty McFly was still the absolute shit. I decided that I had to come out of the closet. I know. It was going to be tough. I tried to learn everything I could about Marty McFly. I learned a bunch of facts about who he was mackin and about how a bunch of lame ass dudes wanted his shoes (check it). But I came to the end of the line. Back To The Future came out on July 3rd, 1985. I was born on March 26th. I was probably named after some lowlife.

So you see, this is what shaped the confused person I am today. I continue to struggle between Martin and Marty and sometimes the latter has to take a back seat. Let me share some of those moments with you.



Name: Martin
Place: Ridgemoor Country Club
Year: Summer of 2003

Martin was an Honor Caddy. He made a lot of money. He sold his soul to the rich white elite. He would wait around for hours, almost all day just to carry a Conservative's golf bag, give him yardages, fix his divots, and wash his balls.

However, there was one thing Martin liked doing. He loved to hoop it up even when it was close to 100 degrees out. But he wasn't any good. While Marty still dreamed to someday make it on the Bulls and fly high next to MJ, Martin's ignorance outwardly showed everyone that Marty's dream would never be. Here is the evidence.



Martin couldn't drive.



Martin couldn't shoot.



Martin's teammates didn't like him. He was on the blue team.



Martin could kind of And-1, but not well.

Fuck Martin.

Note: Barb doesn't believe my name story. I tell myself I was named after Martin Luther King Jr. to ease T-pain.