The way I see it.

I wish we could walk through life like this.

Now you see it, now you don't...

Jason found the video that Ivica must have learned his tricks from. Unbelievable.

If you feel like a pimp.

Brush them shoulders off boy. Whatever came off of J-dogg's shoulders made Phil sneeze. Pimp dust?

Dopplegangster: Eddie McCahill.

If Eddie looked like a kid but was really a midget, this is what I think he would look like. And act like.

?

I have no idea.

Dopplegangster: Me in 5. Or Al minus 5.

I was watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall yesterday and this dude made a 2-second appearance so I had to take a snapshot of it. Besides the two main hardbodies in the movie, it was probably the only other part I enjoyed.

Everybody has to start somewhere.

You don't have to leave the house.

I can't say this boggles my mind because I've become accustomed to reading things that make absolutely no sense. I really don't like being used to that. "Online Fitness Coaches." I can see it now. A fitness instructor, fully clothed in spandex, head band, and one of those Garth Brooks microphones that connects to your ear and makes its way to your mouth. The instructor of course wouldn't need any of the fitness gear, that would just be to trick their client into thinking they were actually working out.

This is what it would look like when the fitness instructor needed to motivate the client to get a few more reps in. Of course the person on the receiving end wouldn't be able to take such verbal abuse and would be forced to squeeze out a few more sit-ups. Or if they didn't feel like it they would just turn the volume down or just not do them. After all, what the hell is the instructor going to do? E-punish them?

If I were a dad.

I'd definitely own massive amounts of those underwear.

Math Homework. Part 2.

A conversation between Todd and I, trying to figure out some complex math formulas. And obviously getting somewhere.

Math Homework.

please click

As you can see from Chart 1, there seems to be a strong positive correlation between intelligence and shirt-wearing. The sample was a simple random sample and since there wasn't enough intelligent people to gather data from, I had to make up some hypothetical results that would further prove my point. So we can see that there is some sort of relationship between the intelligence of a person and how often that person wears a shirt.

The same study was done in the southern American states (home to primarily Jerry Springer's audience and guests). The data depicted in Chart 2 kind of fucked me up a bit. The data points got so lumped together and overlapped in the bottom left of the chart that I had no idea what kind of correlation there was. I would have created a hypothetical "intelligent" data set but I'm not too sure it exists in this region.

So it looks as if the study proved my hypothesis.

Everyone leaves Chicago for New York City.

Hypnotic Underground from moriza on Vimeo.

Oh really.

It is amazing that a leading journalism establishment like The New York Times thinks that its encoded messages will go unnoticed. I must admit, racism is usually pretty beautiful when it takes you a few minutes to realize what is actually going on. This is a perfect example of it. At first I believed that it was just another white guy shot at Asian and/or brown people. What better way to tell Asian people that they are the scum of the Earth? If you're racist against their brown clouds that pretty much leaves nothing left. First it was the Asian long horn beetle. Now the Asian Brown cloud is abusing affirmative action and all the white clouds are at an unfair disadvantage. Then I realized that this isn't only an example of being racist towards inanimate objects, but also social commentary on just about everything brown. Mr. Henry Fountain describes us as, "...an unpleasant, unhealthy and climate-affecting of sooty haze that envelops the region, particularly in winter." Why particularly in winter? Last I checked, we all come from warm regions of the Earth, so when it is cold outside we tend to stay indoors wearing our sombreros, or Rastafarian hats, or these things while we watch Jerry Springer hoping our relatives made the final cut.

If white clouds are rain I wonder what brown clouds are. Gravy? Dookie?

Blu.

Probably the only relevant thing in Hip-Hop these days.

BenJing: A Tribute

I have far too many right-looking pictures of Ben J. to post on this at once so I'll share a few at a time. Not all of them are unflattering. Take a look at this picture. It was taken in Hong Kong right before we got our drink on. There is nothing like drinking Baijiu out of what looks like gasoline containers. They were given to me as a birthday gift. One was 65% alcohol and the other 80%. We decided it would be a good idea to start off with the 65% one and take it from there. I should have been a bit more cautious because a worldwide rugby event was taking place which meant shit tons of Australians were around. And we all know what I think about Australians. Anyways, after a full night of uninterrupted zombie mode, I somehow remembered to set my alarm for 9am the next morning to make sure we were able to get McDonalds breakfast, only to find out later that breakfast is served all day.

This was the first time I had Baijiu and probably the last. I wouldn't have wanted to share it with anyone else. Well, if ScarJo was an abusive Baijiu drinker, Ben would find himself on the curb in a little minute.


("BenJing" copyright Todd J.)

Todd, here it is.

Joaquin Phoenix rapping.

The best Inaugural Address.

The award goes to James Garfield. "Government" first, "God" last, and a bit of "Negro Supreme" right in the middle. That's the way it ought to be.

Obama's Inauguration.

With all the hibbity-hoopla over Obama’s victory and the inauguration just around the corner, I’ve started to think about what this inauguration means to me. People of all colors, especially African-Americans, feel a special sense of accomplishment and optimism. I understand that. However, for me personally, Obama being the first African-American President raises some concern. No, not for the stereotypical reasons that most people attempting to mask their racism have. I don’t think he is going to have a watermelon garden or paint the White House black. Those ideas are ridiculous but there are many who believe them. Personally, I think he is going to ruin Hip-Hop music for the next four years.

My fear isn’t that we are soon going to see President Obama hustling his own mixtapes at UN meetings. No, it won’t be that forward. With songs like Young Jeezy’s “My President Is Black,” Nas’ “Black President,” Joel Ortiz’s “Open Letter to Obama,” and TI$A’s “Obamaway,” we have come to a new low in Hip-Hop music. With lines like “This is real and not for play, Imma vote Obamaway,” and “My President is Black, my Lambo is Blue,” plaguing the radio waves, I’m trying to brace myself for the most unoriginal period of Hip-Hop. And that will be saying a lot considering the past few years.

So tomorrow, as Barack Obama is sworn in, I’ll be torn into two. America has better days coming but I’m not sure I can say the same for Hip-Hop.

Probably the worst song ever:


P.S. The day Obama's face shows up on currency is the day Hip-Hop will be back. "I'm makin it rain Obamas on all them bitches." Absolutely beautiful.

January 16, 2009.

U.S. Can’t Find Peace With A Broad
by Marty C.

After eight years, President George W. Bush wasted no time on Thursday night mentioning the struggle to find peace with a broad. The 9/11 attacks that left America shocked were his introduction to the ongoing problems he sees, “We must continue to engage the world with confidence and clear purpose. In the face of threats from abroad, it can be tempting to seek comfort by turning inward. But we must reject isolationism and its companion, protectionism. Retreating behind our borders would only invite danger,” Bush said earnestly.

The stock market has been on a steady decline and unemployment has risen sharply. With America’s wallet shrinking and people becoming more skeptical of their financial futures, a sense of depression has begun to sink in. Nick Fiorentino from Chicago’s South Side said, “It’s just unbearable how the threats from a broad have effected my life. They complain about everything we do. They say we have all the power and they are treated unfairly. Fuck that. This proves they control each and every one of us. What are we supposed to do when they withhold the goods for selfish reasons? We used to man up and take it, but now we’re all afraid. God help us.”

Similar opinions are heard at the church Fiorentino attends, as numbers have skyrocketed since the threats from a broad initially began.

“Let us overcome these hard times. This is the time to ask God for forgiveness and pray for help, for God is the only one who can shield us from the antagonism and hatred we have received from a broad,” Father O’Donnell preached to a packed house last Sunday. “The number of churchgoers increases dramatically in times of hardship. Instead of putting all their attention on money, people shift their faith towards God.”

It is apparent that America has been living in fear the past 7+ years because of threats from a broad. The whole world has watched America eagerly to see the response.

“Canada, doesn’t have a problem with a broad because we’re understanding and listen to what they have to say. We respect them,” said Ian Lowrie, a Canadian citizen.

For now the question still remains. How will America overcome the harsh criticism from a broad? An American, who asked to remain anonymous, had harsh words for the whole situation saying, “A broad can suck my dick.”

I am so confused.

How is that his ballbag? Seriously, how is that even possible?