I'm Getting Sick But Not Tired.

Getting sick is probably my least favorite activity. Well, it's either that or conversing with Australians. Either way I try my hardest to avoid both. I have become an expert in spotting the arrival of both of these activities relatively quickly. It has taken many years and many horrible experiences. One time I ended up getting a CAT Scan to make sure my brain was OK, the doctor said it was a severe migraine from too much stress. I, however, believe it was caused by an argument with Aussie Assholes I met in Prague just months earlier.

When coming down with a Cold or a Flu I can feel a soreness in the top of my throat. It's not really my throat though because it's the part you feel your snot hit when you suck through your nose really hard, preparing for an ultimate Lou Gee (I wonder if Mr. Gee was a real person, how do YOU spell it?). Once I sense that soreness I know that if I want to avoid the headaches and the neon green snots I must take immediate action. Sensing a conversation with an Australian is ten times easier.
They are usually white, somewhat athletic, tan and shithead looking. Can be confused with Californians but usually a bit more corny.
Confused. "Arrrr Narrr! What happened to me boomerang?". Translation: Arrrr Narrr = Oh No!. Another example: Euro = Eur-arrr.
 So it's best if you just ignore any person that fits any of these stereotypes. Even if they aren't Australian you'll still be doing yourself a favor.

The buildup to these terrible experiences are at least recognizable so make sure you are prepared to handle them effectively. A quick "CRIMINAL!" shout, followed by a finger point to an Australian ought to do the trick. If not, sit there and argue, most of them are still sad this jackass died.
But dealing with a Cold or a Flu is a little bit more complicated. I know some people like to lie down all day and use it as an excuse to get out of doing things and talking to people. Personally, I like to overload my bod with Vitamin C. I drink OJ all day and make sure I don't eat anything too unhealthy. To be honest it works about 85% of the time. I feel like I'm getting sick for the entire day, then the next day I wake up feeling like Michael Jordan must feel everyday.

Today I ran into some big time trouble. When shopping for orange juice I usually settle with the classic Tropicana. But now that I have a job, I felt that I'd treat myself to some high quality organic orange juice that Eddie McCahill loves talking about. Organic Valley Orange Juice is totally fuckin badass. Seriously. When I rode my bike to Strawberry Fields, I was really pumped to begin my pre-Cold/Flu ass kicking. But then I looked at the price tag.

As Mario Panvino would say, "They're trying to gyp me off!"

Almost $9.00 for a 64 oz. carton of Orange Juice. Who in their right mind would pay $9.00 for a juice if it isn't MJ's man-juice? (That's Jordan, not Jackson). At that price, not only should the juice make sure I never get sick but it should also make sure I grow a few inches, I gain better control of my social skills (especially the out of line comments), and cure my eczema.

So I can't really decide which experience is worse. Arguing with Australians can be pretty fun but knowing that you're going to be sick can get you out of many social situations. My worst fear, besides knocking out one of my beautiful teeth, is being sick in Australia. Maybe then I would pay $9.00 for some orange juice. Only if it promised to keep all the dingos away.