See you C-U

As I look at this profoundly idiotic picture, the answers that I've been looking for reveal themselves quite remarkably. The last 4-5 years in Champaign-Urbana had its moments and I will never hold anything against those great experiences. However, the shithead overload that I experienced throughout college is something that I wouldn't wish upon anyone. Chicago would seem to offer my escape but the emotions that go along with the realization that many of the people I was unwillingly associated with at school now have expensive apartments in "cool" neighborhoods in the city I call home is another thing I wouldn't wish upon anyone. Well I would wish it upon those very shitheads. As I become more comfortable with living at home in Portage Park (a fresh slice of 1992) I begin to realize that what's done is done and it's now time to move forward. I'm unemployed but looking tirelessly for a job and one day it will happen.

From left to right:

Kyle B. Gorman: I know Kyle is/was studying for his PhD at UPenn. I also know that he loves to say very straightforward negative comments about homosexuals and loves commenting on style. His knowledge of music is almost unbelievable but is slightly skewed because of the contempt he holds for non-Justin Timberlake lovers. Part of me hopes that Kyle is putting some "indie" kid in his place about what bands suck and why but more than part of me knows that he is probably off somewhere being just as confused as he was in this picture. Just tell him how you feel about him Kyle, no one will lose respect for you.

Curt Frericks: I know Curt works in Chicago at an Architecture Firm of some sort. There isn't too much I can say about him. My brother thought it was hilarious that Curt had no shame lifting up a girl's skirt on an MTD campus bus. I once saw him throw a haymaker at KAM's, miss, and then get tackled. If he would have landed it would have made my night. But I know he still hasn't landed and I wish him the best. There you go Curt! (That is directed at the waitress at Duke of Perth.)

Fred Follmer: I know Fred is an artist...at being awkward. I won't say too many negative things about Fred because who am I to judge? In late night talks, Fred was awarded the "Most Likely to Have Sex With a Horse." It could be a complement if you were providing pleasure. Probably not though. Will the tag "artist" get anyone anywhere? The answer is undeniably NO!

Amanda Winterroth: Look at those white girl moves.

Erin Murphy: I know Erin likes to forget important details about the roles she's assigned during conversation time. She happily plays the mature 40 year-old "I've been through it all" role and loves giving me the "I NEED HELP!" role. Erin, I'm fine. I don't understand your fascination with getting married before the age of 25 (you failed). Seriously, stop fantasizing about the bad boy (EJ) and go to medical school (Ivy League).

Zoe Schwartz: I know Zoe will one day look back at me and say "What an asshole." And I'm thankful for that. Not that I necessarily agree but because I know the reasoning behind it will be justified (like JT). Do your thang girl but most importantly stop judging Eddie. He's been nothing but nice to you and takes care of Laura (and business). Easily my favorite McCahill. But seriously, just because Eddie isn't an "artist" doesn't mean he isn't a cool dude.

Julian Crozier: Play on playa. Or just stop playing altogether.

Marty C.: I know that you have your eyes set on big things but I think your lack of hard work will never give it a chance to materialize. But seriously, take that fucking hat off and do something with that big head. Who are you to judge?