Bro Rock.

I'm not sure this is 100% real. Just a typical night with some bros.

Dirty South-west Airlines.

They get nasty on Southwest. Looks like that's the only airline I'll be flying these days.

That's right.

It's all about the Bulls. Bitches.

America!

Let's be grateful that this guy is holding his peter hostage. I just can't imagine what he was trying to accomplish with this picture. Sex? With what species of animal?

Observe and Report

I have never been more uninterested/scared of a movie release than I am with Observe and Report. It's not that I'm sick of Seth Rogen or the fact that him and his gang of "normal" white guys keep coming out with the exact same movie under a different name. It's because this new Mall Cop movie really provides a scapegoat to all the people I talk shit to (millions). Never once have I seen myself, physically speaking, in a character more than that of these two silly looking chinamen. Well, I guess that's not entirely true. Every time I see Mr. Denzel or Will Smith droppin' the hammer on some bitch ass motherfuckers I find myself saying, "Yea, that's like what I do."

This is comparable to when "McLovin" was a huge success among all the Will Ferrell worshipers. All the short white guys with glasses had to hear, "McLovin, boom chicka wah!" Or whatever other stupid shit that mark ass bitch had to say for himself. Now, I'm going to have to hear, "What's up Yuan twin, [insert unoriginal catch phrase here]," from all those I've offended. Not cool at all.

One of these days there is going to be a movie where a little asian lookin dude saves Kristen Bell or Jessica Biel from a terrible relationship because of his charm and intelligence. Actually, I wouldn't bet on it.

Ying Yang Twins to Change Name After Another Brother is Found.

The Hip-Hop culture in America has finally gotten its much-needed makeover. After weeks of DNA tests, it has finally been proven that the young gentleman pictured above is indeed the third part to the Ying Yang gang.

“You know whenever they whispered on that one song, they as in my new brothers Kaine and D-Roc, I listened and just felt a part of me in the crunk-itude,” said Marty C. newly named “M-Cizzle,” by himself. “It’s a soft ‘C’ sound.” The overwhelming happiness could not go unnoticed as M-Cizzle stood up at the press conference and said he’d like to see the all-male group of news reporters “whistle while they twurk,” making it obvious he didn’t fully understand the meaning of the expression.

It hasn’t been all smiles though. Kaine and D-Roc, the original twins, had harsh words to say about their new brother. “Dude corny, plain and simple,” said Kaine the one responsible for the weird screaming that accompanies most Ying Yang Twins tracks. “I mean, first of all he’s from Chicago. We the Kings of the ATL, how the hell do he think he a part of this?”

Planning on moving to Atlanta to be closer to his family M-Cizzle talks excitedly about meeting his brothers. He also has new ideas for the fading rap duo, “I’d like to whistle on some songs and you know I love my brothers, but I think the grunting and yelling in the background has really been a bit lackluster on their latest tracks.”

D-Rock, still not knowing what to make out of all the news, has been a little bit more open-minded, “You know, I talked to Marty the other night and he seemed like a nice dude and all and had some really good ideas. He talkin’ about getting back to our roots. Singin’ and rappin’ about shit we love. Clothes, bank rolls, and hoz. I agree. We’ll make it happen.”

The news has come as a shock to many Hip-Hop heads around the country but many are curious to see what will happen with the new member of the group. Hip-Hop sales have been down because of the lack of creativity and dishonest portrayal of what should be embraced in the music. When asked recently if M-Cizzle will be the breath of fresh air Hip-Hop music needs, Kaine replied, “Does this mu-fucka even know we ain’t real twins? We ain’t related. Who did these DNA tests? Now we gon’ have to be the Ying Yang Triplets? That don’t even make no sense.”

The way I see it.

I wish we could walk through life like this.

Now you see it, now you don't...

Jason found the video that Ivica must have learned his tricks from. Unbelievable.

If you feel like a pimp.

Brush them shoulders off boy. Whatever came off of J-dogg's shoulders made Phil sneeze. Pimp dust?

Dopplegangster: Eddie McCahill.

If Eddie looked like a kid but was really a midget, this is what I think he would look like. And act like.

?

I have no idea.

Dopplegangster: Me in 5. Or Al minus 5.

I was watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall yesterday and this dude made a 2-second appearance so I had to take a snapshot of it. Besides the two main hardbodies in the movie, it was probably the only other part I enjoyed.

Everybody has to start somewhere.

You don't have to leave the house.

I can't say this boggles my mind because I've become accustomed to reading things that make absolutely no sense. I really don't like being used to that. "Online Fitness Coaches." I can see it now. A fitness instructor, fully clothed in spandex, head band, and one of those Garth Brooks microphones that connects to your ear and makes its way to your mouth. The instructor of course wouldn't need any of the fitness gear, that would just be to trick their client into thinking they were actually working out.

This is what it would look like when the fitness instructor needed to motivate the client to get a few more reps in. Of course the person on the receiving end wouldn't be able to take such verbal abuse and would be forced to squeeze out a few more sit-ups. Or if they didn't feel like it they would just turn the volume down or just not do them. After all, what the hell is the instructor going to do? E-punish them?

If I were a dad.

I'd definitely own massive amounts of those underwear.

Math Homework. Part 2.

A conversation between Todd and I, trying to figure out some complex math formulas. And obviously getting somewhere.

Math Homework.

please click

As you can see from Chart 1, there seems to be a strong positive correlation between intelligence and shirt-wearing. The sample was a simple random sample and since there wasn't enough intelligent people to gather data from, I had to make up some hypothetical results that would further prove my point. So we can see that there is some sort of relationship between the intelligence of a person and how often that person wears a shirt.

The same study was done in the southern American states (home to primarily Jerry Springer's audience and guests). The data depicted in Chart 2 kind of fucked me up a bit. The data points got so lumped together and overlapped in the bottom left of the chart that I had no idea what kind of correlation there was. I would have created a hypothetical "intelligent" data set but I'm not too sure it exists in this region.

So it looks as if the study proved my hypothesis.

Everyone leaves Chicago for New York City.

Hypnotic Underground from moriza on Vimeo.

Oh really.

It is amazing that a leading journalism establishment like The New York Times thinks that its encoded messages will go unnoticed. I must admit, racism is usually pretty beautiful when it takes you a few minutes to realize what is actually going on. This is a perfect example of it. At first I believed that it was just another white guy shot at Asian and/or brown people. What better way to tell Asian people that they are the scum of the Earth? If you're racist against their brown clouds that pretty much leaves nothing left. First it was the Asian long horn beetle. Now the Asian Brown cloud is abusing affirmative action and all the white clouds are at an unfair disadvantage. Then I realized that this isn't only an example of being racist towards inanimate objects, but also social commentary on just about everything brown. Mr. Henry Fountain describes us as, "...an unpleasant, unhealthy and climate-affecting of sooty haze that envelops the region, particularly in winter." Why particularly in winter? Last I checked, we all come from warm regions of the Earth, so when it is cold outside we tend to stay indoors wearing our sombreros, or Rastafarian hats, or these things while we watch Jerry Springer hoping our relatives made the final cut.

If white clouds are rain I wonder what brown clouds are. Gravy? Dookie?

Blu.

Probably the only relevant thing in Hip-Hop these days.