Them damn Boleyn girls.

I try to keep my love affair with Scarlett Johansson updated and relevant by ogling over her in any movie she is in. That was my intention when telling my parents to hang on to "The Other Boleyn Girl" an extra day before retuning it to BlockBuster. Usually the routine is simple. I insert the DVD and laugh at the absolute ridiculousness of the fact that Ms. Johansson (soon to be Mrs. Van Wilder) is terrible at her craft. To be honest, she was actually alright in this one but I will never get over how much she over acted, and how many mouth airplanes she gave to Woody Allen to be, in "Match Point." That's neither here nor there. At first I wasn't at all interested in this other movie. Some of the phrases in the dialogue were rather not believable. At the very least, I figured there may be a hilarious cleavage shot or some ridiculous baby making scene but I was not at all expecting to be thoroughly entertained. It should be noted that I wasn't entertained in the traditional sense. I'm sure most audiences thought the complexities of the story and the themes of jealousy, betrayal, the lust for power, and what kind of trouble a boner sandwich can get you into, were the most thought provoking aspects of the film. Meanwhile I was sitting on the edge of my seat trying not to erupt with a "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!"-chant. Al was sleeping after all and to wake him would be a sin.

What the movie taught me is that behind a country that prides itself on its traditions and values, there lies the root of every evil in the world: Hillbillies who can't keep their peters in their pantalones.