There's definitely something about the west coast. I thought I figured it out when I was in San Francisco a week ago. I've always thought that maybe the weather just completely changes the way people think. In some ways, I would say that it's very true. Cold winters keep us Midwesterners humble. Keeps us in check. I slowly realized that California isn't as "laid back" as everyone claims it is. On the weekend, most stores don't open until noon in San Francisco, seemingly trying to prove that storeowners and their consumers have an understanding that sleeping in is more important than shopping. I really thought I was getting somewhere, when I was up by 10:00am wondering where I could eat a hearty breakfast to kill my hangover, realizing that opening late on the weekends is more pretentious than anything else. But I wasn't satisfied with that conclusion. I'm not sure I ever really figured out what is so different about the west coast.
It wasn't until we arrived in Portland that I noticed a difference that I could grasp. It's really easy for me to judge a city like San Fran as "pretentious" because I really don't know anything about the place. I don't really understand it. However, what I do understand (in pretty much every situation) is when girls have butts. And in Portland, the white girls have butts! I mean going on short hikes in Yosemite, seeing shooting stars, gazing from overwhelming cliffs, and hearing stories of black bears ripping open cars to eat chap stick and suntan lotion was foreign to me. Foreign as fuck. But white girls with butts?!?!?! It can drive a pathetic little city dude from Portage Park, Chicago to near insanity. "There are a lot of good looking people in this city," I found myself saying repeatedly. What I was really trying to say is, "Is it me or do these white girls have butts?" They did. They did indeed. So from now on Portland shall be known as "home to the white girls with butts." I just wish some of them would move to Chicago. Portage Park area preferably.
-Marty
3 comments:
I was there and I can barely tell what this post is about.
Well then, you're an idiot.
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