The Wire.

I'm not too sure anyone really cares about what I've been doing since graduating. To be honest, if you did care, I wouldn't be able to give you a real answer. I hibernated most days in Chicago and I don't really see too much of a difference here in Urbana. Since it has been cold out and there isn't much to do in the 'real world' that is Urbana, I've watched a few seasons of The Wire. I must say, it is pretty awesome. Out here on our own, Dan and I often run into problems that leave us puzzled and sometimes disgusted. We often find ourselves saying, "If only Encyclopedia Brown was here...". But he isn't. We do what we can, when we can, to stay on top of the mysteries that unfold in our apartment.

Above is a picture of our toilet bowl. I know, quite disgusting indeed. Pay closer attention to the wall to the left of the toilet. Notice the Jackson Pollock-esque drips of brown.

The Wire has taught me how to handle situations like these. Detective Jimmy McNulty has taught me to never back down from a dirty job and I'll be damned if I let him down. 

We first reenacted the scenario that we thought was our best explanation. Dan picked up some burritos from Chipotle with extra hot sauce and a dozen warm chocolate chip cookies from Insomnia Cookies. I ate them as fast as I could and waited. You know most of this job is waiting. 13 minutes passed after I was done eating, I felt my stomach rumble as if Stone Cold Steve Austin (3:16) was in it giving Vince McMahon a Stunner. After rushing to the bathroom I pushed violently (with my right cheek raised) to try to see if this could be how a postmodern piece of art could be created on our wall. 9 tries later and it had proved negative.

The only other thing I could think of was a wire tap. It just didn't seem like a good idea. Tapping phone lines is probably the last way to figure out how shit spray got on the wall. Instead, I miked the bathroom to listen in on any foolery that was taking place. To my surprise all I ended up hearing was farts of all varieties. By the way, good one(s) Dan, keep them rippin. For now, this case is closed.